Blogger vs. the World

               
Blogger vs. the World: Chapter 1--a candid discussion

                   The great Jackie Moon once said, “Everybody love everybody.”  This quote describes my personality perfectly.  I want people to just love each other the way a sub-five hundred semi-professional basketball team would.  I want this because there’s enough hate for everyone in the world.  In fact, I recon the world has had so much hate that it must be darn near sick of it.

                 Another quality that defines me is my fear of spiders.  I know that this is a common phobia among human males, but I cannot deny the fact that spiders are the scariest living creatures on the face of the planet. With their eight legs and their many eyes, I feel like they are constantly plotting some sinister plan to destroy me. I suppose that my fear of arachnids came about when I went kayaking one day in fifth grade.  While I was cruising on the water, I discovered a secret waterway that led under a bridge.  I followed the passageway and it led to a thin river with many trees hanging over the water.  I paddled my way down the river for about an hour when it started to become very narrow.  It seemed as if the trees were closing in around me and about to swallow me up.  On the branches that were reaching into my soul were massive spider webs with huge, terrifying spiders staring directly at me.  At this point I wanted to turn around but the river was too narrow and the current was carrying me closer and closer to the killer arachnids.   When the boat made contact with the first web, the fear of God was struck directly into the darkest region of my soul.  It seemed like slow motion when a single, massive, plump, juicy, spider fell on to the hull of my kayak and began to crawl towards me.  I could almost see its fangs, itching to tear out a chunk of my flesh.  I was so petrified by fear that I dropped my paddle in the murky water.  It was only by reflex that I snatched it from the water before it sunk too far below the surface.  Since there was not enough room to turn around, I had to continue my perilous journey down the river until it widened enough for me to make a 180.  As soon as I turned around, I paddled as fast and as hard as I could until I was back in open waters.
             
         Since that day I have harbored a dark secret.  I have to admit that the boat wasn’t the only thing that came to shore with me that day. A terrible phobia of spiders came along. Every day a sinking fear follows me.  I think to myself, "today might be the day that the spiders finally unleash their wrath upon me."  Some days I fall into a false sense of security; thinking that the spiders have forgotten about me, but then I see one out of the corner of my eye and I realize that they are simply biding their time until they encounter the ideal moment to scare me. I must say that it is a strange feeling always having to look over my shoulder to make sure that the spiders aren't following me. Maybe one day I’ll get over it but I don’t see that happening that any time soon.

                Along with a fear of spiders, I have other qualities that define me, but those are not important.  I am Kevin Freestone, Spider-Fearer, and I am proud of it.

Until next time, this is Kevin Freestone, Spider-Fearer, signing off.